29 weeks and 2 days

I rarely blog about myself. But today is an important day for me... I am officially 29 weeks and 2 days pregnant. Now this might not seem like an important gestational time for anyone else, but for me, this is a big deal. I delivered Will and Luke at 29 weeks and 2 days, and started off the whirlwind that has become the past 2 years and 11 months. March 11, 2007 was the last time I was 29 weeks and 2 days pregnant, and I've worn it like a badge. Not sure, though, on what kind of badge it was - courage, fear...?

I never fully realized the impact that 29 weeks and 2 days would have on me - then or now. Since the boys were born, every physician, nurse, therapist and social worker has wanted to know at what gestational age the boys were born. They wanted to know the circumstances surrounding my delivery, almost 11 weeks prematurely. So 29 weeks and 2 days has always been the start of that long story, and has always been met with somber response. Aside from the fact that it was the date of my sons' birth, it is the scariest day of my life.

Since I learned that I was pregnant with Cart, 29 weeks and 2 days has always been in my head - but it was in neither a good or bad way. I thought that, probably, I'd have an emotional response as I neared that day. I found myself shying away from people's questions about how my pregnancy was going because I didn't want to jinx myself. But from a logical perspective, I knew that with Cart being a single baby, with the weekly progesterone shots that I am getting, and the fact that I was better about taking it easy this time around, I would probably pass 29 weeks and 2 days with little event.

I am not going to lie - this whole week was tough on me. I did my best to stay as busy as possible to avoid dwelling on each day, what it meant, where I was the last time around. But despite my best efforts, I woke hourly last night in fear that something was going to happen. Nothing happened, and I am tired today... but so relieved.

Interestingly, I no longer find it necessary to read my baby books to find out what is going on gestationally with Cart. From today on, I have memories of watching Will and Luke complete the remainder of their gestational period right before my eyes. I'll never forget that when Will was born, he didn't have any cartilage in his ears. When we would take off his teeny tiny hat to give him a bath, his ears would be absolutely molded to his scalp. I'll never forget the thrill of feeding Luke for the first time, because he had finally hit 33 weeks gestation and finally knew how to suck.

At our last appointment, we learned that Cart is about 16 inches long and weighs about 3 lbs... almost the exact size of Luke at birth. I take comfort in the fact that every day from now on is new ground for me and my whole family. I am thrilled to think that with each passing day, the notion that my body failed me can fade further into the past. And I am excited to pack my hospital bag - something I never got to do with my earlier pregnancy and something I haven't done to this point, again, out of fear of jinxing things.

So celebrate with us - tomorrow is 29 weeks and 3 days! Its a whole new world, and its looking damn good.